Our Blameless Society

Posted by on October 16, 1998 at 12:00 am.

Don’t like this piece? It’s not MY fault.

You know, this country has fallen to pieces. Nobody is to blame for anything, anymore. And that, my friends, is scary. Not scary in an “Anna Nicole Smith crashing a Bat Mitzvah” kind of way, but scary in a “Not much longer until Apes run the planet” kind of way.

Just look around, for crying out loud. When is the last time someone admitted that they comitted a crime, without implicating some past person or event in their admission?

The Menendez brothers killed their parents. They admit that, it’s fairly obvious that they did it, but it wasn’t THEIR fault. They were abused, they HAD to kill their parents, you see.

I can’t even being to recount the times that someone has copped out of a crime because they were neglected as a child, or their mommy didn’t breastfeed them long enough, or they were singled out in third grade because they brought a stuffed animal to show and tell. You know what? I DON’T CARE. Just because you didn’t have the Ricky Schroder in Silver Spoons childhood that the rest of us had (oh, we didn’t? My bad), doesn’t make it okay for you to go buy a gun and play The Punisher on the people who made your childhood sucky.

How about the case in Virginia about a man who kidnapped and continually sexually assualted a 30 year old woman, but got off because he claimed it was “an irresistable impulse” and he “couldn’t help himself.” Excuse me? The last time *I* felt the gigantic urge to kidnap and rape someone, I…wait, that’s NEVER HAPPENED. But if it did, I think I’d call a shrink, because that’s not something you can just ignore, and hope it goes away. I can ignore the broken light fixture in my kitchen, and use other lights to compensate. But it’s not quite the same thing.

And then there’s the guy who got a reduced sentence for killing two young people in their car, because he didn’t torture the victims before killing them, and he’d been drunk at the time. Are we on the same page here? Now it’s okay to kill folks if you’re nice about it, and you load up on Natty Light before hand. Well, I’m gald for that, I’ll tell you what. I WAS going to pay big money for that high priced assassin, but now for $24.95 in ammo and beer, I can kill without fear.

At the rate our country is going, in terms of giving the criminals all the luxury of the Howell’s on Gillagan’s Island in relation to the people we should be busting our asses to help, the victims, the only thing left in terms of a defense we haven’t seen, if to invoke the impish demons from the Family Circus, Not Me and his hussy girlfriend, Ida Know. What jury wouldn’t acquit someone who used THAT as a defense? I know I’d hav eto let them off, hell, they make MY daughter’s life hell, I’m sure they love to kill in their spare time.

And then the current king of the blameless, Daniel Granger. I want to change my name, I’m so sick of this kid. Class PResident sweet talks some 14 year olds into letting him hide the sausage, and then gets caught when the girls have he unmitigated GALL to tell people he raped them. He confesses, saying that he knew that they were too young, but thought he’d be okay, because he was under 18 himself. Excuse me? If Law Schools recruited like Football programs, this kid would be Drew Henson, folks. Not to mention that every word out of his mouth since has been “It wasn’t my fault. They begged me for it, they wanted it, I was just being a tenage boy.” Time out, big fella. Seniors shun underclassmen. As Class President, you know this. Putting aside the fact that you knew it was statutory rape, you got off anyway. Then, you were forced into it? Please. I hope you experience the continual joy of creamy rectal baths while you’re away.

And I’m SO sorry that you’re being held back from your dream of attending Michigan, too. But last I checked, under the definition of ‘Leaders and Best’, there isn’t an entry for “Pieces of Shit who take adavnatage of women”

But the bottom line is, you knew balling a 14 year old was wrong, but did it anyway. Hey, pal. You have rich parents, why not wait until mom and dad are asleep, swipe some green from them, and go get a hooker if you just have to get laid. But the fact is, you can indeed survive high school without having sex. I did. I know many others who did. Hell, I know a lot more who SAID they got laid, but didn’t. Try that sometime. But if I hear one more time that it wasn’t your fault, I might just have an irresistable impulse to gun your punk ass down after I get drunk. IT’ll be quick, so I’m pretty sure I’ll get off with no jail time. Hell, I bet they throw a parade for me.

One last thought for all the folk out there who feel like doing something morally repugnant or reprehensible, courtesy of Dennis Miller, the man himelf. When the urge strikes, go buy a gun, put it against your temple, and pull the trigger. Kill yourself. You’ve got to lean into the strike zone, and take one for the team, folks.

Reposted on behalf of Dann Fuller

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